A Guest Editorial from Recondo

The Errorists Have Won


No, no, that's not a typo. I'm talking about the pussified jackaninnies who pass for leadership in this pathetic country. I'm talking about the pitiful twits who think that making you take off your stinky, swampy shoes at the airport, in freakin' Florida, for gods sakes, during August, will make you safe from terrorism. For cripes sake. Thank goodness I don't have functioning nostrils.

Well, they're at it again. Apparently the observation deck of the Statue of Liberty is a perfect place for shoulder launched stinger missiles or some such nonsense.

According to this story from the Associated Press, the outgoing director of the National Park Service, (what's his personality got to do with it? Sure, so he's outgoing, I wouldn't expect a political appointee head of a major organization to be frickin' Emily Dickinson... Ohhh... That's not what they mean by outgoing... Never mind.)

Anyway, the soon-to-be-ex head of the National Park Service has sent a letter to Congress saying, essentially, terrorists with a fifth grade education are smarter than we are, and we can't do anything to make it safe for fat tourists from Idaho to climb to the top of the Statue and look out her crown.

They will continue to let people climb up to her toes.

Ah, so it's fine that Americans will be able to look up Ms. Liberty's dress and examine her gigantic copper legs (she's French, they all have nice gams...), but no more up to the crown.

(sarcastic voice)

ohh... No! There's a one in a million chance that something bad would happen. And then you'd get mad and fire me... boo hoo. And we couldn't possibly do something like put an armed guard up there to shoot anyone who looks suspicious... boo hoo...

(/sarcastic voice)

You people make me sick.

You think life is supposed to be 100% safe? Was it safe to hop on a wagon and ride across this big nation, shooting indians and buffalo?

No.

Was it safe designing all sorts of great advances of modern civilization like microwave ovens, nuclear bombs and The Morton Downey Jr. Show?

No.

Was it safe to go topple an annoying Arab nation with a homicidal, yet not quite as homicidal as everyone else over there, Dictator without a plan for what to do once he was gone?

Ah, No.

You are Americans, people! Life is not supposed to be 100% safe. When was the last time you were 100% safe? Probably when you were a little kid in buster browns and fudge-stained undies, and Mommie and Daddy told you what to eat, what to watch, and when to go to bed. Is that what you want from your government? A Mommy state wiping your chin and spit-tacking down your cowlick before she sends you off to school/work, your every step monitored by the 30 million surveillance cameras in use in the United States.

Here's what you've brought us to, jackasses: Charles Shumer, the vapid, idiotic, annoying communist Senator from New York, is starting to make sense:

"In this case, freedom has given way to fear. One of my favorite memories as a child was going up to the top of the Statue of Liberty and looking out of her crown to what I thought were the ends of the Earth. Now, generations of kids and adults will be denied that opportunity."

I ask you, which is more dangerous to American civilization? The very, very, miniscule chance that some idiotic smelly terrorist will go to the top of the statue of liberty and manage to pull off some act of terror, or the fact the Charles Shumer is started to sound as if the medication is finally working?

That's it. I'm moving to Canada.

That will be all.