Oops, missed that...

The lovely Duff retaliated for the Christmas present tag I threw her by tagging me on this one. As a slave to the rules of the internet, I submit my contribtion.

But, as Wifeypooh is sitting across the table and scowling that I'm playing on the internet (or, as she calls it, a colossal waste of time), let's involve her. Below, in red, are her answers.

if you had to choose one vice in exclusion of all others what would it be?
WP: Junk food (as she munches on a Dorito).
Kal:

if you could change one specific thing about the world what would it be?
WP: No weapons of mass destruction. You should have to look at the people you're killing.
Kal: Like when she strangles hobos.

name the cartoon character you identify with the most.
WP: Wonderwoman.
Kal: Admit it, you're all jealous of me right now. I love the truth-telling lasso...

if you could live one day in your life over again which one would it be?
WP: No. Not interested.
Kal: See, it's hard enough to live with me the first time around, why would she subject herself to a rerun?

if you could go back in history and spend a day with one person who would it be?
WP: Elizabeth Cady Stanton. (Early female supremacist)
Kal: Admit, you're all very happy you're not me right now...

what is the one thing you lost, sold or threw away that you wish you could have back?
WP: I wish I had the flecks of gold from a river in Alaska my cousin gave to me.

what is your one most important contribution to this world?
WP: Teaching.
Kal: I think it's ensuring that I don't go out in public without pants. Left to my own devices, that would not be unusual.

what is your one hidden talent that nearly no one knows about?
WP: Obviously if I had a hidden talent I wouldn't mention it on the internet, wouldn't remain hidden, would it?
Kal: (smiling knowingly...)

what is your most cherished possession?
WP: Oh, definitely that big stud I'm married to. He's the best. I thank God every day for him...
(OUCH)
WP (for real): My engagement ring.

what one person influenced your life the most when growing up?
WP: (gazing at me like I have two heads) My mother (this doesn't have to be in a postive way, does it?)

what one word describes you better than any other?
WP: Clever.
Kal: (I would've said annoyed...)

Missed me?

No?, well screw you very much...

Well, been a busy eleven days, what with hat trick of Christmas, New Year's, and the impending implosion of my professional career...

Oh, don't cry for me, Argentina. Something will come up, it always does...

Anyway, on to important stuff: Gino, that purveyor of Iranian beauties, has tagged me. Well, hi-di-ho, something to do.

Here be the tag rules, according to Mr. Badger:

1. Players start by listing three things he/she got for Christmas.

2. Then they list three things he/she definitely did not want to get for Christmas.

3. Then he/she tags five friends and lists their names.

4. The ones who get tagged write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes, and state the rules clearly.

5. Then tag five more victims. The tagger needs to leave the taggees a comment that says you have been Christmas tagged! and tell them to read the tagger's blog.

Okay, I'm game.

First, what three things I got for Christmas.

1) The Dork Three Pack. This booty was the haul from The Jones Intergenerational Christmas Party two days before Christmas. Motherdear got me "The Earth is Flat" by Thomas Friedman, and Brothergoodson found the latest additions to my burgeoning Dr. Who DVD collection.


2) Railroad Tycoon 3. Absolutely addicting. I think these Tycoon and Sim games so appeal to us bureaucrats (egads, now I'm identifying myself as a bureaucrat..) because the world therein is rational, understandable, and manageable. Which is totally and completely unlike the real world we inhabit. Oh, and you don't have to go through four years of environmental permitting to cross a river.



3) My new garment bag. Will come in handy carrying my clothes around when we lose the house because I'm unemployed. Will double as a shelter in the rain and snow...

Three Things I definitely DID NOT want for Christmas:

Well, that would be ungrateful, wouldn't it? I loved everything I got. But, we are slaves to the meme, so:



1. James Brown dropped dead. Godfather of Soul, Hardest Working Man in Showbusiness, is an ex-entertainer. Ripping it up with the Choir Invisible. Of course, I wasn't too much of a JB fan, but, c'mon, the guy made Rocky IV. And it gives me an excuse to post a YouTube of Weird Al's "Living With a Hernia" -- which was on one of the Weird Al CD's we Santa got The Boy for Christmas.

2) I'm glad I didn't get a cold this Christmas. Usually the running around and madness of the holiday season leaves me with a low-grade cold; not enough to shut down and stay in bed for three days, but a little more than enough to make the commute and eight hours of work a chore and a half...

3) I'm really glad I didn't get another sweater. I hate sweaters. Plus, as I evolve into the next phase of human development -- the Buman, part Bear, part Human (hairy and fat), sweaters are redundant at best.

Okay, there. Fufilled my blog duties. Now, on to tag five of you.... Hmm... Alright, Mossy, Penny, Duff, MD, and The Gypsy, since she's gone blog MIA for a while, and even if she doesn't do it it's worth it zipping over to her site to see the Indian version of thriller in her "V" post.

Well, I've gotta split to get ready for the baccahanal New Year's Eve party now, but I promise a post tomorrow - no more disappearances.... Until Thursday (details to come)... (Ooo! How's that for a tease?!?)

100 Things You Never Cared to Know About Me

Alright, everyone else seems to have a "100 Things" post, so who am I to flout convention?

And I had thought about splitting this into pieces, doing maybe 20 at a time, but you lose the desperation that creeps into these posts which makes them enjoyable, as people dig and dig for facts 83-97, so I'm committing to the whole thing at once. The things I do for you people.

Just keep in mind I might, just might mind you, have made some of these up to protect my true identity...

1. I married my high school sweetheart and have lived happily ever after.

2. I am very good at dodging airborne vegetables, plates, and/or kitchen cutlery thrown by said high school sweetheart.

3. I'm a terrible flirt, but much like a dog chasing a car, I have no idea what I'd do if I actually caught one...

4. I've had 14 cars, only one of which was road worthy after I was done with it.

5. I really hate having my second toe touched. Gives me the heebie jeebies.

6. I'm a pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, pro-environment Republican... Yeah, sometimes I don't know why either...

7. In High School I was a big commie Democrat.

8. I've been riding the same train since I started college 17 years ago.

9. And it's getting a bit old...

10. But it beats the hell out of the nine miles of traffic jam on the southeast expressway every morning.

11. I weight about 75 pounds more than I did when I was chasing Wifeypooh in High School.

12. And not all of that is muscle...

13. I am hopelessly nostalgic for the 1980's, kind of the way my Dad is about the '50's.

14. My parents divorced when I was in high school, and I carry a modicum of guilt around from that, even though I intellectually "know" it wasn't my fault.

15. I have a younger brother.

16. He's richer, thinner, and better looking than I am... Well, 2 out of 3, anyway.

17. We've become much better friends now than we were when we lived together, which is I think par for the course with siblings.

18. My musical tastes are very eclectic, but I’ll listen to anything by Jethro Tull.

19. I’ve had my picture taken with a President (George H.W. Bush) and two president wanna-bes (Jack Kemp and Bob Dole), but I’ve never had my picture taken with any of the four governors I’ve served under.

20. My first car was a 1974 Karmann Ghia. I’ve never quite gotten over her.

21. My favorite car was my 1981 Mazda RX-7, which I totaled by crashing into a state trooper. (You want a quick response, hit a state trooper, that’ll get the cops coming pretty fast.)

22. My least favorite car was the 1980 Pontiac T-1000 I drove in between totaling the RX-7 and putting the totaled RX-7’s motor in another car.

23. My dad and I put the motor in by ourselves and I was always amazed that the damn thing actually worked.

24. Not because of my dad, he could fix a rainy day, as the saying goes… I’m a bit more of a spaz with mechanical stuff.

25. But I am the one all of my inlaws call for advice on mechanical issues. (They’re even more spazzy than I.)

26. I’ve wanted at one point or another to be an architect, a computer programmer (this was back in the BASIC days…), a journalist, a politician, or in the military.

27. I still want to be an architect.

28. But it’s probably too much math.

29. I dropped an astronomy course in college because it turned out to be mostly math. (Took Geology instead, the infamous “Rocks for Jocks” course… Loved it, and can tell you to this day what an arête is and how it is formed)

30. I’m a huge Star Trek geek, to the point of owning the entire Star Trek: The Next Generation on space-consuming VCR tapes (thanks Maw!).

31. My best friend for a couple years growing up was a six foot tall (this is in the fourth grade) black kid named Christian.

32. I’m so white my nicknames in grade school were “Whitey” and “Albino”. I desperately wanted brown hair instead of the platinum blond I had at the time.

33. Christian and I made quite a pair.

34. About the time I began to really appreciate my hair, it started falling out.

35. Oh, in case you get any ideas: the nickname Albino caused not a few fights. And still engenders the same response.

36. My first fight was over a pencil. Another kid took my Battleship Cove pencil and broke it. Wasn’t much of a fight, I don’t think either of us landed a punch, but not for lack of trying.

37. I met my other best friend in the second grade and we’ve known each other ever since. It’s one of those friendships where you can go three or four years with no contact and then fall right back into with no problem.

38. I was the first of my peer group to get married and the first to have kids.

39. Because we had kids so young, we’ll be 45 when kid #2, The Boy, goes off to college.

40. We’re planning on changing the locks.

41. I think my first kiss happened in kindergarten, in my garage, with a girl from up the street named Patty. (But I’m not entirely sure that happened, I may have made it up and just chosen to believe it as fact over the years.)

42. My next kiss took about ten years, and happened on the roof of a porch overlooking a lake after the junior prom.

43. I’ve “dated” a grand total of four women (two in junior high, two in high school), kissed two of them, and married one.

44. I almost dated a fifth, but the morning after we agreed to a date we both simultaneously gave each other notes chickening out.

45. She’s the great unrequited love of my life.

46. I still think about her (don’t tell wifeypooh!).

47. I have a great affinity for crunchy-granola, peasant skirt-wearing liberal women. And that’s almost diametrically opposed to the person I married.

48. Oh, and I think, for the most part, Bob Dylan is overrated.

49. I love Weird Al Yankovic.

50. One of my proudest achievements is that my kids have memorized the Dead Bishop sketch from Monty Python, including the Rat Tart part.

51. The kids are also big Weird Al fans. There’s hope for them yet.

52. I’m listening to Green Day’s “Whatshername” right now, and while I think Green Day rocks to the Nth degree, I think their politics is puerile and juvenile…

53. And the Dixiechicks both suck musically and have moronic politics…

54. I’ve been accepted to Harvard

55. But I didn’t go

56. Motherdear is pissed about that

57. …well, it was graduate school, so don’t be too impressed…

58. I played football in high school for two seasons before discovering girls and finding out the literary magazine was a hotbed of peasent-skirted hippie chicks…

59. I still regret quitting football

60. But not track – track really sucked

61. There was a girl on the track team who could throw the boy’s shot further than I could

62. But then again, she could throw it farther than 99% of the boys on the team…

63. I’ve had two stepfathers

64. I like #2 much more than #1, but just wish he’d lighten up and enjoy life.

65. My mother’s parents are still alive, but my Dad’s are dead

66. Unfortunately, I most physically take after my Dad’s mom…

67. Who died at 400 pounds,

68. But inexplicably lived to 75 or so (Lithuanians are too mean to die, I think…)

69. I have a cat, ooo pussy, pussy cat

70. (Five points for guessing the song)

71. I have two guitars, well, three if you count the twelve string I stole from my mom, and can’t play any of them

72. Well, okay, I can play three songs (if I have the sheet music for them); Love Me Tender, Greensleeves, and Jesu, Joy of Heart’s Desiring.

73. I sang in my church choir as a kid, and soloed (I was pretty good)

74. Then my voice changed…

75. I sing in my church choir now, but it’s more a baritone kind of thing.

76. My mom, bless her soul, thinks I sing lovely

77. She’s in the minority…

78. In high school, for a single three month period, I perhaps, maybe, and I’m quite possibly making this up, dabbled in slight herbaceous drug use.

79. And man, I know what all those politicians say, but I did like it, and it did do something for me…

80. Unfortunately that something was a complete destruction of my short term memory,

81. Which puts me at a huge disadvantage when I fight with Wifeypooh about whether she said something or not…

82. I could never figure out how to properly smoke a cigarette (probably because I smoked the other stuff first, and as you know, admit it, it’s a different mechanics)

83. I often verb my nouns…

84. 16 to go!

85. (see, here’s the desperation…)

86. I didn’t drink until I was 21, well, except for that single three-month period mentioned above (think of it as my rebellious stage)

87. I try not to drink nowadays because I have no idea why you’d drink, unless it’s to get drunk, so social drinking isn’t my thing…

88. I let myself go once a year on New Year’s Eve, usually with the result that I’m found halfway through the night, passed out on Cape Codders and sleeping on the guest’s coats (honestly, mother-in-law, I’ll pay for the drycleaning…)

89. The New Year’s Eve party is at my house, so I don’t have to worry about driving, but I do have to worry about Wifeypooh making me clean the kitchen, totally blasted. (On the plus side, it’s easy to wipe the counter, you just hold the sponge out and let the spinning room do the work… Oh, and the pink elephants clear the table)

90. I’m a big fan of Dr. Who (Tom Baker edition), and own several DVD’s – hopefully with more on the way – hint, hint Mom….

91. Yes, I’m a geek, I admit it…

92. Along those lines, I’m sitting here on the train writing this and just managed to hook into someone’s wireless connection and thought it was the coolest thing… Yes, I’m a total dork.

93. (home stretch now!)

94. Three years of French in High School and I can say “cherchez la vache…”, but I got that from a movie.

95. I tried Russian in college, but it’s a brutal language best left to people with a lot of phlegm.

96. Iraq: yup, sorry. That was me. Ooops.

97. I’m addicted to soduku.

98. I cry during E.R.

99. I aspire to a friendship like Denny Crane and Alan Shore on Boston Legal, although I think of myself as the Alan Shore character more than the Denny Crane (and I think other people see me as the Denny Crane… [fat, senile, sexist pig…])

100. I just finished a 100 Things About Me post!

Slave to the Meme

Karamia, bored with all the football talk (and just when I thought I you were perfect...) threw a tag my way, and as a man of honor I must submit to the tag.

So here's the deal. It's the old "six weird things" meme, which Penny got me on last March on the old blog, which for some reason was five then. Except my answers really kind of sucked last time, so I'll redo it. Now, as I am perfect in most every way, I had some difficulty coming up with six weird things about myself, so I put it to a vote of the family (around the dinner table, and as much of my weirdness revolves around hygienic issues, it made for quite a dinner) and this is what they came up with.

Without further ado, here are the top six weird things about me, according to my devoted family (whom I now hate, just so you're clear):

In no particular order,

1) When I drink wine my intestines get all hot and squishy feeling, including the very end of the intestines, if you get my drift...

2) I eat in a very deliberative way, dismantling my food. So when I eat pumpkin pie I'll eat the back of the crust first, then the topping, then the pie, then the bottom of the crust. And things get eaten in order, generally from least favorite to favorite, and all at once: so peas first, then potatoes, then chicken, then grilled asparagus, for instance.

3) I have obscure pop-culture reference Tourette's and will occasional explode with "Spoon!" (The Tick's battle cry) or launch into the Dead Bishop skit (Ma, Dead Bishop on the landing!) at the dinner table.

4) When I take my socks off invariably I'll sniff them. It's not even like we're living in Victorian England and I want to see if I can wear them after another washing. Trust me, nothing that comes off this body is capable of being worn again wihtout washing. I'll even bring back-up underwear if we're going swimming over Brother-in-Law #1's pool: I'm not interested in putting dirty laundry back on my body. I think I just like to experience the relative grossness of the sock. I don't know, it's a compulsion!

5) I really, really can't stand having my second toe touched. Gives me the heebie jeebies.

6) (and I don't think this is weird at all, but the Wife insists...) I love scented candles. Love burning them (perhaps to cover up the smell of my socks I'm carrying around) constantly. Gives me a warm, homey feeling (okay, okay: I'm a big girl).

There. There's six weird things. I'm loathe to tag anyone, as it would reveal that no one's reading nowadays and all my traffic (1,200 hits in the last four days) are from Muslim perverts looking for a non-existent Zahra Amir Ebrahimi sex video link (thanks Gino.... By the way, if you're interested in the Kevin Federline-Britney Spears honeymoon video, here it is...).

(God, I'm a whore to the traffic...)

Anywho, if you're visiting, or especially if you're a member of the Daily Canon over there on the right, consider yourself tagged.

And try to get the image of a corpulent, smelly man smelling his dirty socks out of your heads...

Meme Away!

The erudite and mature RW (no, I'm not calling you old) over at Chasing Vincenzo submitted to the Meme gods, so as a measure of support, I will jump in with him.

1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 - in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?
"I would have voted against the civil rights act of 1964" - Ronald Reagan.

The line before is "I favor the civil rights act of 1964 and and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary" - Ronald Reagan.

From The 1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said. Now, depending on the context, the seeming contradictory dumbness of those two statements may not really be stupid. For instance, I was heartily opposed to funding 24 hour on duty (rather than on call) paramedics for my town. (it's expensive as heck and I already pay enough in taxes, thank you very much). But if I have my heart attack at 2:15 in the morning, I heartily support this funding now. So context is important.

2. If you stretch out your left arm as far as possible, what are you touching?
Air. My short, penguin-like appendages don't reach to the thing on the left of me. Which is just a very uninteresting chair. (Rasta Cat is lying off to the right of me, waiting to bite when I least expect it.)

I preferred RW's answer, which was his "imaginary friend that looks like Sophie Marceau" so might as well just copy his picture of Sophie.

3. What's the last program you watched on TV?
Bits of last night's Cowboys-Panthers game while helping Brother Goodson set up his new 50 inch plasma TV.

Look, I'm not disparaging him his success, but if I ever get rich enough to spend that much on a TV, just shoot me in the head, okay? (Actual figure removed so Motherdear doesn't pop a vein and kill him.)

That being said, High Def is cool, and there's the Patriots-Vikings game on tonight... I'll be there at 8:00, right bro?...

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
5:10am. (exactly right! My character on Heroes would have the uncanny ability to know the exact time... Quite the handy superpower, no?)

5. Aside from the computer, what can you hear right now?
Julie, the washing machine. (We name things around the house. It's weird, yes, but, well, we're weird...) (Actually, that's not true. Naming is reserved for cars and this washing machine. The washing machine got named because I developed a particularly strong attachment to her, as she is a spiffy, super high tech Fisher Paykel. Ooo.... listen to her spin cycle... It's like a jet trubine. I think I love her...)

6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?
Well, I was outside last night during the time it took to go from my car to my house after coming home from Brother Goodson's. Last time I was outside for any extended period was when coaching the indefatigable "Teal Rex" soccer team to victory yesterday. Oh, and coaching a bunch of eight-year olds to victory means trying to keep them focused on the game and not running off to chase butterflies, dogs, their friends, their imaginary friends, etc etc etc...

7. What are you wearing?
Well, that's a little cheeky of you, don't you think? If you must know, my soccer coaching shirt, socks, and Hanes boxer-briefs. There. You have no one to blame but yourself for the image now indelibly burned into your brain.

8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?
I would like to assert my fifth amendment rights at this juncture...

9. When was the last time you laughed?
I think yesterday during the soccer game when one of the kids got kicked in the head... I don't particularly like that kid.... No, no, just kidding.

He just got a ball to the face, it wasn't a kick to the head.

10. What's on the walls, in the room you're in right now?
Matted and framed versions of some pictures I took of flowers (I'm just so freaking artistic...)


11. Have you seen anything strange lately?
Well, in rooting around in my photofiles to find the flower crap above, I stumbled across my study of the rotting apples my old boss used to keep on her desk.


When she left I inherited the apples, and they're on my bookshelf to this day.

12. What do you think about this meme?
It's taking a lot longer than I'd have thought....

13. What's the last film you saw?
Corpse Bride last night before the kids went to bed.

14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?
Hire out my memeing, as this is taking ridiculous amounts of time...

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don't know.
In reality I'm a chick.

No.

That's not right.

In reality I act like a chick.

16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt, what would it be?
I would make myself 50 pounds lighter. And actually have a job come this January... (More on that later.)

17. Do you like dancing?
Only in my underwear, and alone...

18. George Bush?
No thanks, I've got all the George Bush I need.

19. What do you want your children's names to be, girl/boy?
Well, they're already named. But if we ever have another one it would either be Samantha (I'm with RW on this one, I love girl names that can be shortened to boy names) or.... Or.... Hmm. We had a hard time with The Boy's name. I wanted Jean Luc Picard Jones and she favored Copernicus Machiavelli Jones. We compromised on "Boy". He can pick his own name when he turns 18.

20. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I already told you I live like a broad.... Oh... Sorry. Abroad. Got it. Nope. Never. I just don't think there is another country that offers the mix of technological advancement, acceptance of diversity, and economic opportunity that we have here.

Plus I'm lousy at foreign lanugage (my Spanish consists entirely of "La Chica est facile", which, come to think of it, is actually Franish, isn't it - est is a french word, isn't it?...), so my choice of foriegn countries is somewhat limited. That said, if I had to move out of the US tomorrow, I could survive in Canada. But don't think I'd be happy out having to put cheese on my french fries...

21. What do you want God to tell you, when you come to heaven?
"April Fools!"

22. Who should do this meme?
Who shouldn't? It's a meme! Everybody party!

The Book Meme

Well, this one comes from RW over at Chasing Vincenzo, where he got it from Man About Mayfair who got it from The Hatemonger's Quarterly who was sent it by Postmodern Conservative after being tagged by John Tabin who was tagged by Dave Weigel who was sent it through the Dredge Report who got it from Todd A who saw it at John Baker who first read it at It's A Crime where... strangely enough... the trail goes cold.

(I just copied and pasted that whole paragraph from RW… seemed too much to type on my own…)

Yes, yes. A meme is a cop-out way to break in the new blog, but think of a blog as a house, where you get to christen (wink-wink) each room... This is a christening of my meme room....

(Now try to get that image out of your head...)

So, without further ado, "The Book Meme":

1. One book that changed your life
What I saw at the Revolution, by Peggy Noonan. Not so much the subject matter, but the evocative writing captured a moment and allowed me to see the nobility and majesty of government work. Yeah, sounds corny, but I'm corny about governance.

2. One book you have read more than once
All the King's Men, by Robert Penn Warren. Densely packed with a language gone in America now. But the subject matter; the education, debasement, and ressurection of an aide in politics, speaks to me still.

3. One book you would want on a desert island
The Stand by Stephen King. First off, I love it and could rerad it over and over. Second, at over 1,000 pages it would kill a lot of time, and third, it would burn for a long, long time if I used it as a rescue beacon.

4. One book that made you cry
Hmm... When Character Was King by Peggy Noonan. The whole Reagan thing. Don't ask me to explain it. Unless you were a teenager in the early eighties you'd never understand. The man was our grandfather, god, and George Washington all wrapped up in one.

5. One book that made you laugh
1,001 Stupidist Things Ever Said. There's a quote in there from Marion Barry (the former mayor of Washington, DC) that gets me every time: "The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather". (You know, some people deserve the representation they get from their elected officials... You keep voting for these bozos, you deserve what you get.)

6. One book you wish had been written
I wish I had taken my college thesis on The Big Dig and the political machinations surrounding the beginings of it (I wrote it in 1994) and turned it into a book. Too late now, everything's been written and public attention has been diverted from the astounding series of alliances that got this thing started to the failure to build it correctly... (Plus I couldn't find it now if my life depended on it.)

7. One book you wish had never been written
I've gotta go with RW on this one. The Communist Manifesto has cost millions of lives and caused untold misery for billions of people in the twentieth century.

8. One book you are currently reading
Theodore Rex by Edmund Morris. The second of his Theodore Roosevelt biographies.

9. One book you have been meaning to read
I've read Freakonomics, Blink, and The Tipping Point, so I guess I should read The World is Flat to round out my "new thinking for the 21st century" curriculum...

There. Post number one... Next: breaking in the CatBlog room!