Now that's a piece of tail...

This dork is Brian James Hathaway, who has a thing for animals.

Unfortunately for Mr. Hathaway, this thing includes not just eating them, a perfectly normal and socially acceptable habit, but also "getting down" with them.

According to this story in The Smoking Gun, Hathaway, a 20 year old Wisconsin man, has been busted for getting busy with a deer he found by the side of the road. The criminal complaint does not specify if the cops think he offed the deer to get all necrophiliac with it. This would not be out of the range of possibility, as Hathaway has already served time for killing a horse he intended to molest.

So Hathaway's a serial abuser of wildlife.

Except here's a problem. (And this is why I loooove lawyers): Wisconsin's statute prohibits having sex with an animal, and as Hathaway's lawyer points out, the deer was dead. And being alive is apparently an important part of the definition of being an animal.

And, you've got to admit, there's a point there.

When does Bambi stop being an animal and start being dinner? I would think it's really cruel to go and eat somebody, so why isn't patronizing McDonald's the work of a serial animal abuser? If Hathaway had found this deer by the side of a road and taken it home, disemboweled it, skinned it, butchered it, and eaten it - that would be fine. But knocking boots... err... hooves? That's not okay?

Look, I'm not defending this obviously deeply disturbed person. But this is Wisconsin. I'm fairly sure the DA in question has probably eaten a few animals himself. You know, he may even be a hunter and in the past may have used subterfuge -- including an implied promise of mating -- to get deer in the position to shoot them.

At least Hathaway was going to close the deal...